It is Not Good to Compete with Your Spouse

Do you dispute who receives the highest salary, who has the highest position and who is promoted first? But you are not co-workers, but husband and wife? It’s time for a break.

Fights and arguments are common in a relationship, and if it’s not happening it’s a sign that something is wrong. A union stops being healthy when what would be a normal crisis becomes a constant. A couple that competes aggressively with one another, for example, lives a sick relationship.

When two people get married, they have more than likely shared a long history together. From starting their relationship as just friends and gradually falling in love, to turning one flirtatious night at a bar into a long-term relationship, most partners have been together long enough to have experienced plenty of ups and downs together.

Sometimes couples thrive off of competing with each other in ways that may not always be healthy.

It is Not Good to Compete with Your Spouse

Here Are 5 Tips We Selected To Strengthen Your Relationship

1. Have fun together

Treat your partner as a close friend. The couple who laugh together is more likely to stay together.

2. Learn to resolve arguments together and respect each other when arguing

Use more the word “we”. Think of your disagreement as a problem for you both to solve, not a fight for you to win.

3. Share your thoughts and be friendly

It is Not Good to Compete with Your Spouse

Let your partner know who you really are and what do you feel about any situation. Arrange some time to talk about the things that are important to each of you, as individuals and as a couple.

4.  Follow the three-day gratitude plan from Rita Watson

Rita Watson – an Associate Fellow at Yale’s Ezra Stiles College — explains that having an attitude of gratitude will revitalize your love life. 

In order to get started with bringing more gratitude into your relationship she recommends in her study the following three-day gratitude plan:

“Day 1: Find three qualities that you love about your partner and focus on those three qualities for the entire day.”

“Day 2: Identify three things that irritate you about your partner. Now forgive them for these things.”

“Day 3: For the entire day speak only kind words to your significant other.”

5. Show your appreciation

Showing gratitude to your partner is an important daily practice; it’s essential to nurturing a healthy marriage.

Some couples try to invoke jealousy within their partner by claiming that someone else is romantically interested in them. Others try to one-up their partner by achieving more promotions, making more money, or proving their ability to be more independent.


Once two people in a relationship commit to marriage, this competitiveness often fades, as now the two parties are in a legally recognized, committed relationship.

However, sometimes this competitiveness becomes more apparent when kids are put into the equation. Some parents compete with each other in order to foster what they believe to be a better relationship with their kids than the relationship that their partner shares with their kids.

This is never healthy for the children because they grow up in an environment where there is sometimes a lack of discipline because their parents always try to be the “cooler” parent and therefore allow the child to become more accustomed to breaking rules or learning how to go to a certain parent when they want something if they know that the other parent will disapprove of the request.

Parenting should be done as a united front and not as a divisive tool to be the “better” parent.